IDLYITL CH 11
- Mar 13
- 6 min read
Chapter 11
• ────── ✦ ────── •
Both In the Past and Now
He wasn't hurt by the sudden change in their attitude.
Yes, because they weren't mine to begin with. The expensive clothes, the watches, the jewelry, the clean spacious room, even my parents’ love. None of it was ever mine from the start.
Since it wasn't his to begin with, there was no reason to feel wronged for having it taken away, or to be disappointed in the couple who had so easily flipped their attitude.
He tried to think that way… but then the young nobleman, who has the same face as him, yet carried a relaxed confidence Ikali didn’t have, whispered quietly.
“I’m going to take everything from you. Because a low-born like you dared to impersonate me and coveted my life. I’ll make a deal with the devil and scrape up your soul, then drink all your blood. A beggar dared to steal my place. I deserve at least that much revenge, don’t you think?”
As the boy smiled like an angel, Ikali felt a deep sense of dissonance for the first time. The boy who looked exactly like him is a devil in human skin. And when Ikali saw where Warren’s eyes landed—Ikali’s last remaining treasure— The impulse to kill someone rose within him for the first time.
• ───────── ☽༓☾ ───────── •
The rain that looked like it would stop soon continued to pour all night. Ikali got up from the sofa and went to the window, staring blankly at the downpour. The feeling of an anaesthetic worn off and he was now waking up from a long dream.
When did it get so late?
Ikali rubbed his tired eyes and called for the butler.
“Has Psyche returned?”
“Well…”
The butler rarely trailed off, and Ikali frowned.
“She’s still not back?”
“The heavy rain suddenly started, and it seems to have caused a disruption to the carriage's travel.”
Carriages always struggled when the roads turned to mud. For Ikali, who usually travelled on horseback, it was a minor inconvenience, but the fact that Psyche hadn’t returned by this hour bothered him.
What if she ran away?
If she despised a monster who killed his own adopted father, and being with him was worse than death, it would make sense. Who would be happy living under the same roof as a murderer? Even if they had known each other since childhood…
He understood that logically, but his body moved on its own. He changed into a light shirt and went out into the hallway. He just wanted to check.
Did Psyche really run away from me? Did she… too?
As he walked down the dark hallway and reached the first floor, the faint sound of a carriage approached from a distance. The maid who had accompanied Psyche was talking loudly to the coachman.
Psyche had returned.
Coming down the stairs was pointless. The tension in his body released, and his hazy mind cleared.
What am I even doing?
Was it all just unnecessary worry, after all?
A sarcastic laugh slipped out.
Why am I so anxious, when I promised myself not to desire her?
His mood immediately soured. It was as if his vow to marry her out of good will, because she had lost her fiancé because of him, was being exposed as nothing more than flimsy hypocrisy. It was only natural that a princess and an orphan could never love each other. He was filled with self-loathing for instinctively coveting something he shouldn't have.
The door opened, and Psyche, wearing a raincoat, entered the manor. Ikali was standing in the central hall and Psyche’s eyes widened in surprise.
“Your Grace?”
Ikali didn’t like being called Your Grace, especially by her. His irritation slipped out before he could stop it.
She called me by my name just fine this morning.
Maybe it was the cold spring rain, but Psyche’s cheeks looked pale. The ends of her brown hair were soaked. Ikali let out a long breath. Without thinking, he approached her and brushed the moisture from her shoulders.
Psyche flinched and recoiled in surprise. He was taken aback by his own impulsive action, but seeing her recoil like that also made him feel like some kind of thug. Even when he had escorted her to the carriage, she had looked uncomfortable, as if he might crush her hand.
“…Do you really have to jump every time I touch you like that? It’s unpleasant.”
Ikali hid his awkward feelings, narrowing his brows. His low voice made Psyche glance around nervously.
“I didn’t do it on purpose. I was just startled…”
Psyche lowered her gaze. She hadn’t expected to run into Ikali at this hour. Him standing in the hall as if he were waiting for her, Psyche’s heart dropped to the floor. Ikali looked at her, clearly disgruntled.
“Is it so surprising to brush the water from your wife's shoulder?”
He muttered softly. Seeing her moist, brown eyes made his mood sink even lower.
“Don't look at me like that, like you're disappointed, when I haven't done anything.”
“…”
“At least not to you, I haven't done anything.”
Psyche's eyes trembled nervously. And for some reason, Ikali's eyes… looked like that of a wounded animal.
Haven’t done anything?
Psyche felt a bitter doubt and placed a hand over her chest. The very place he had cut with his sword in her previous life. When he had sliced her, the pain was so extreme it was as if her heart was being torn to shreds. Not from a sharply honed blade, but from this man's indifference.
The Ikali of her previous life had treated her as if she were invisible for four years. She had never talked with him face-to-face like this, nor had he ever offered to escort her. Brushing the rain from her shoulders was even more unthinkable.
But now, the same cruel husband was looking at her like he had been wronged. That gaze, like it was accusing her. A pitiful, abandoned animal.
For a moment, Psyche’s face filled with confusion.
Maybe… just like me, this man has also changed?
Maybe this life will be different? Psyche looked at him with a glimmer of hope, but jolted out of her foolish thoughts as if she had been doused with cold water.
Just because he was a little kinder now, had she already forgotten the years of unrequited efforts, the bone-chilling coldness when she was imprisoned for over 100 days?
Fool. Even a beast would be smarter than this. Wagging your tail at the person who tried to kill you was something a dog wouldn't do.
Hoping to gain love from a murderer. That’s why I was killed.
Voices of people condemning her started to fill her head. Psyche squeezed her eyes shut and covered her ears, then removed her hands a few seconds later. After barely regaining her composure, she gave a dry smile.
“You've changed a lot from the man I knew, Your Grace. Both in the past and now.”
She took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eye.
“I was disappointed in you, yes. But do you know? Disappointment can only happen when there are expectations…”
Ikali stared at Psyche, who was spouting strange things. She spoke with a stern voice, as if warning herself, her body tensing against the cold.
“I won't be disappointed in you anymore, Your Grace. I won’t expect anything, and I won't bother you either.”
“…”
“Nothing between us will change. So please, don’t you change either.”
• ───────── ☽༓☾ ───────── •
The spring rain finally stopped early the next morning. When she opened the window, the smell of wet grass wafted into the bedroom. Dewdrops clung to the plants and flowers in the garden.
Psyche took a deep breath of the cold morning air. No matter how many days passed, there were times when she still couldn't believe she was truly alive. Due to the chilly air from the rain, she put on a cardigan over her nightclothes and sat down at the small table in her room. About to finish her simple meal of bread and soup, Anna brought a small glass dish.
“What’s this?”
“It's ice cream. You always looked for ice cream when you were feeling down, Madam.”
The dish held a scoop of yellow ice cream. She’s not a child anymore, yet Anna still see her as the foolish little princess who had only recently become an adult. Psyche smiled awkwardly and turned to Anna.
“Did I… look that sad?”
“Oh my, what do you mean! My only wish these days is for you to feel a little less sad.”
Anna fussed over her and sat her back down in her chair. Psyche's eyes widened as she looked at the ice cream in the dish. She took a bite of the macadamia nut and honey-flavoured ice cream, the sweet and nutty flavour melted in her mouth.
“It's so delicious.”
Anna smiled with satisfaction.
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